


Jingle Hell (2009)

by JennyB



Series: Advent 2009 [18]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Advent Challenge 2009, Comedy, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-18
Updated: 2009-12-18
Packaged: 2018-01-05 16:04:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1095925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyB/pseuds/JennyB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Lieutenant Hawkeye wanted was to do something fun for the holidays...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jingle Hell (2009)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Advent Challenge 2009. Prompt: Christmas carolling

Roy Mustang scowled deeply as he stood out on the snow-covered parade square. It wasn't too cold, and the stars were beginning to peek out to dot the bluish-purple sky. All in all, it was a perfect winter evening - or rather, it would have been if Mustang hadn't been 'recruited' for other duties that night. Lieutenant Hawkeye, in the spirit of the season, had decided that it might be fun to do something as a group, and her idea of 'fun' meant going around together to sing Christmas carols to those still stationed nearby, and then to go for hot drinks and snacks. When she had initially approached him about it, he'd told her he'd be more than happy to join them all later when they were done, but there was no way in hell he was going to be standing around like some sort of idiot and singing stupid songs to those in his command.

Apparently, that had been the _wrong_ thing to say. Despite her being subordinate to him in rank, she was one of only a handful of people who could dress Mustang down and leave him feeling appropriately cowed. That, and if he didn't do what she wanted, she was one of only a handful of people who could make his life a living hell. After all, she willingly did a lot of the more tedious tasks he was assigned - like paperwork. So, after having her scold him for being a thoughtless ass (and again, he silently vowed to _never_ get married), he'd grudgingly agreed.

But he wasn't going to bear the pain alone.

He'd ordered Second Lieutenants Breda and Havoc to join them, along with Master Sergeant Fuery and Warrant Officer Falman. And just because he knew it would piss him off, he'd told Edward that since he was in East City, then yes, he too, would be participating. Fully.

Although Hawkeye had never said anything about hats.

When she'd found him, she'd grinned widely and had promptly placed a jaunty Santa cap on his head, and though her sweet expression never wavered, she did growl out a warning, "Take it off and you'll regret it." So, he'd left the _ridiculous_ thing on his head, the cheery, white pompom hanging in his eyes, and he'd bitched silently about the whole thing. At least, he had until Edward and Alphonse had arrived. Hawkeye had wrapped a long, colourful scarf around Al, much to his delight, and had put a set of reindeer antlers on Ed. The sour look on the blond's face had immediately sent Mustang into a fit of laughter, and from that moment on, he'd taken great pleasure in tormenting the other about it. His favourite thing, by far, was to ask him which of Santa's eight _tiny_ reindeer he was, and then smirk when Ed would fly off into a rage about his height.

Once everyone was there and festively bedecked, Hawkeye told them the plan was to go to the various barracks, bring a bit of holiday cheer to those who didn't head home for the holidays, and then she'd host them all at her house. She then passed out booklets containing the lyrics to various songs - in case there were some who didn't know all the words. She gave Mustang a pointed look at that, and he cursed silently when he realized he had no excuse to just stand there and mumble his way through it all.

The colonel huffed slightly, and he scowled a bit when the action caused his pompom to hit him in the eye again. Nevertheless, as they began to walk toward the enlisted men's quarters, he flipped through the pages she'd given him. "Hey, Hawkeye? We could do a live-action performance of _The Little Drummer Boy_. It wouldn't take much for Fullmetal to play that part." Indigo eyes sparkled impishly as he smirked over at Edward, and he chuckled a little when he saw that Alphonse was holding back the furious blond.

"Just let it go, Brother," Al murmured. "Colonel Mustang is just trying to get you going. Besides, it's Christmas. Peace on earth, remember?"

The blond struggled against the suit of armour, and he grumbled, "I'd rather give him a piece of my mind! Or even better, a fist in his face! I'm not that short! Besides, it's not like he's a giant, either!" He caught Mustang's eye at that, and when he saw the raven laughing, he shouted, "You shut up about it!" He calmed down some when Hawkeye stopped and had them open their books to page seven, and when he read the title of the song, he grinned evilly. Mustang would get his.

Al noticed the look right away. "Brother, don't. Please?" he begged, only to shake his head a moment later at the overly-innocent smile the blond gave him in return. He knew there was no point in trying to use any form of logic when Ed got like this. He also knew better than to get in the way of whatever was about to happen, so he discreetly moved himself down a little closer to Havoc and Fuery.

Roy hated _Frosty the Snowman_ with a passion, but he droned on with the others in what could pass as respectable unison. Hawkeye didn't look _displeased_ , so it had to have been alright. As they neared the end of the song, he suddenly started to feel a lot colder, and after a few seconds, he heard a chorus of cheers from the barracks and gasps of shock from those around him. It was then he realized that he'd been encased in ice. A hollow, snowman-shaped shell had sprung up around him, essentially trapping him. Narrowing his eyes, he snapped his fingers to create a spark. Moments later, the entire thing exploded in a shower of ice crystals and water vapour, and he turned a little to glower at the blond, who was very primly holding his songbook and singing away as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. Mustang's eyes narrowed further. _Cute trick,_ he thought humourlessly to himself. Oh, it was on.

In front of the Corporal's and Sergeant's quarters, the group launched into a half-hearted rendition of _Let it Snow_ , but while everyone else had their attention focused on the words to the song, Mustang was busy drawing a simple alchemy array in the snow with the toe of his boot. He waited until the song was nearly complete, and as Ed finished singing an off-key, "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow," the colonel crouched down and touched the circle, snickering a bit when the small blond was essentially buried under a pile of snow.

Ed yelped when he was suddenly covered by the frigid stuff - especially when it went down the back of his collar. He didn't have long to contemplate how to get himself free, because Al was quick on the draw and dug away most of the pile. His gaze shifted to the raven, who was kneeling on the ground and making a show of tying his bootlace. He'd never actually seen Mustang use anything but his flame alchemy, but he'd heard rumours that the colonel's skills were unparalleled. "Bastard," he grumbled, and with another shiver, he shook the snow out of his shirt.

When they reached the Warrant Officer's barrack, the song was _Silver Bells_. Ed behaved for _most_ of the song. Though, as they were drawing to a close, he couldn't help himself, and he transmuted the streetlamp that the raven was standing under into a large shepherd's hook with a couple of gigantic bells suspended from it. As soon as the last notes of the song finished, the bells went off. Right above Mustang's head. And rather than the dulcet sounds of Christmas bells, it was more like the shrill, irritating ring of an alarm clock.

Roy covered his ears with his hands, but it was excruciatingly loud. Even the men from the more junior barracks way down the road were coming outside to see what was going on. However, moments later, there was blessed silence. Hawkeye had drawn her pistol and had shot out the clackers, rendering the bells useless.

When Ed saw the warning glare he was getting from the sharpshooter, he grinned sheepishly and said, "I just wanted to add a bit of realism to the song..."

She arched a brow at that, then shook her head a little and snorted in amusement. "Wrong type of bells," was all she said.

To which Warrant Officer Falman added an ever-helpful, "The Christmas bell is more of a chime bell, which produces a soft, pleasant and soothing sound. Contrary to your alarm bell, which produces a more shrill ring tone that -"

"Falman, shut up," Mustang muttered as he passed by the other. "I've got enough of a headache already without you adding to it."

"Shutting up, Sir." 

By the time they caught up to the group by the Junior Officer's quarters, they were just in time to flip to _The Christmas Song_. They never did get through that one, because as soon as they finished the first line of _chestnuts roasting on an open fire_ , the tails of Edward's coat burst into flame, much to Mustang's amusement.

In turn, Ed created some sort of snowball-flinging machine that was firing great globs of snow at the colonel at an alarming rate - almost faster than he could incinerate them. Mustang countered by melting all the snow around the device and rendering it useless, but undaunted, Ed continued, substituting water and clumps of earth for snow. So the colonel simply set his contraption on fire.

Finally, it was Hawkeye who had had enough. "That. Is. _It_!" she shouted. "The two of you are worse than children! Honestly, I don't see why the hell the two of you can't get along for _one night_ without the petty taunting and idiotic pranks and general buffoonery! Just...just go!" she said, and she shook her head in disbelief. "The stupidity is mind boggling and I want no part of either of you!"

"Riza, I -"

"Can it," she interrupted when the colonel began an apology. "I'll talk to you in the morning. And as for you, Edward..." Her frustration was evident, but given the fact that Ed wasn't _technically_ an adult, she was willing to cut him a bit of slack. "I'll talk to you later, too!"

The two alchemists looked appropriately contrite as she reamed them for their behaviour, and when the group moved on, the two turned and headed in the other direction, their heads bowed and a look of shame on their faces. They rounded the corner to head back to the main buildings, and once they were out of sight, they glanced at each other, and slowly, a pair of matching impish grins spread across their faces. "Nice job," Mustang complimented. "For a while there, I wasn't sure if we were going to pull this off. She can deal with a lot before she snaps." He reached up and pulled off the Santa hat and stuffed it in his coat pocket.

Ed chuckled as he removed his reindeer antlers. "Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly expecting you to light me on fire, but I have to admit, it was a pretty good plan."

Mustang smirked. "Yep, we get out of having to go to all the officer's houses, and chances are pretty good that she's not going to ask either of us to participate in something like this ever again. Come on; the bar's open. I'll get the first round."

The blond nodded, and he trailed after the older male. "Colonel? Is she going to be mad at you for a long time?"

Mustang shrugged. "Hard to say. Probably not - she thinks I'm an idiot at the best of times. But you know something, Edward? I'm fine with her thinking that. It means I can continue to pull crap like this and get away with it." He tapped his temple with a fingertip. "It's all about knowing your opponent. That's why I'm the commander of the Eastern Division."

Ed laughed at that. "Yeah. You're the best."


End file.
